Introduction

I created this blog for a Family Proclamation project in my Family 100 class at BYU Idaho. I have a strong testimony of the proclamation and want to share its goodness with the world. I am majoring in marriage and family studies. I have a strong desire to strengthen families and teach them the correct principles to live and grow by. Nothing else in this world can bring the joy and fulfillment my family brings to me. I have been abundantly blessed with a wonderful husband who is my best friend and three beautiful children. My goal in life is to teach my children to love and strive to be like Jesus Christ. My desire is that Christ is the center of my home at all times and my home is a safe haven from the storms and wilds of the world. A home where the Spirit of God may dwell.

As a family we enjoy spending time together. We are avid hikers,  we love conquering a mountain. We also love traveling, camping, and playing sports. I also have a passion for family history research and spend a lot of my time engrossed in searching for my ancestors.

I hope this blog will bring a spirit of wanting to be better to my readers. May we take the counsel in this blog and apply it to our own lives. Our families need us. The time to strengthen our families is NOW!

This is my family in front of the Phoenix Temple.

Amazing talk to read-The challenge to become

The Family: A Proclamation to the world

We are so blessed to have such an inspired revelation from our Prophet and First Presidency of the church. The Family: A Proclamation to the World  tells us exactly how we can be happy and have true joy in family life.

President Spencer W. Kimball taught, "The time will come when only those who believe deeply and actively in the family will be able to preserve their families in the midst of the gathering evil around us."

 D&C 1:4 And the voice of warning shall be unto all people, by the mouths of my disciples, whom I have chosen in these last days.

D&C 38:41 And let your preaching be the warning voice, every man to his neighbor, in mildness and in meekness.

The Proclamation states, "WE WARN that individuals who violate covenants of chastity, who abuse spouse or offspring, or who fail to fulfill family responsibilities will one day stand accountable before God. Further, we warn that the disintegration of the family will bring upon individuals, communities, and nations the calamities foretold by ancient and modern prophets.

WE CALL UPON responsible citizens and officers of government everywhere to promote those measures designed to maintain and strengthen the family as the fundamental unit of society."

We must defend and LIVE the principles taught in The Family- A Proclamation to the World. These are truly inspired words straight from God to our living modern day prophet. We are so blessed to be able to receive modern day revelation.

The last days are approaching and it is evident. Satan's grasp is growing stronger and stronger each day it seems. He is manipulating and twisting truths in people's minds. The popular thing to do is definitely not usually the right thing to do. The family unit seems to be the most targeted and attacked thing in this world. Satan will do all he can to destroy and break a family apart. We have the perfect guidelines in the proclamation and we are clearly warned that we will be accountable to GOD for our actions.

"The object with me is to obey and teach others to obey God in just what He tells us to do. It mattereth not whether the principle is popular or unpopular, I will always maintain a true principle, even if I stand alone in it." -Joseph Smith

Wholesome recreational activities!

I put in an exclamation point because this is my favorite subject! We love wholesome family recreation. I was blessed to marry a man who has the same passion for the outdoors and hiking as I do. We love to hike. We go every chance we get and our kids usually come along as well, they have grown up hiking. I can not think of a better way to connect as a family than when we are enjoying Gods creation's in the beautiful outdoors with no technology or distractions to get in the way. We love going camping, traveling, playing sports as a family and just being together. My husband loves to have fun and create memories and I am so glad. We always make family time a priority.


If money is tight then no need to worry. There are so many things you can do as a family that cost nothing.  Playing catch in the backyard, riding bikes, teaching your kids how to ride bikes, hiking, family walks, board games, outdoor games. The list goes on. T.V however is probably not the best activity as it does not create family unity or bonds.

Do not over schedule your life. This leads to lack of time and energy to plan and follow through with family activities. When we are worn down and over scheduled we tend to want escapist recreation such as surfing the web, T.V and video games. These do not bring happiness or the results we want as a family.



Here are some pictures of our favorite family activities.

These first four pictures are from our most recent trip. We live in Arizona and decided to take a trip up to Flagstaff. We went to the Polar Express (This is a train ride on the Grand Canyon Railway) We rode the train to the North Pole while sipping hot chocolate and eating chocolate chip cookies. When we arrived at the North Pole Santa came on the train to greet the kids and give them a bell.  The next day we went to the Grand Canyon, we enjoyed the most beautiful views as a family as we hiked next to the Canyon for hours.  Then we went to Bearizona. Bearizona is a fun drive through zoo. We were able to drive through bears, bison, wolves, bighorn sheep, and many other animals. The kids loved it. Then we went through the walk through part of the Zoo and enjoyed petting the animals in the farm area and watching the cubs play. This vacation was not extravagant but it was so much fun and my kids ask to go back daily. The memories we created together are worth every penny we spent.

 Family hike

 Family football night.

We love our family soccer evenings.

 Hiking!

From a camping trip a few weeks ago.

 Enjoying the great outdoors.

The value of work

Do your children have chores? Do you work on family projects together?

Here is my personal experience with work in family life.

My Dad was a home builder and had a concrete company all of my life. So all growing up my five brothers and I would help him. We worked HARD.  I was probably the only girl at my school who knew anything about this kind of work.  But the joy of seeing the finished project when all our work was done was so worth it. I learned the value of hard work. I learned that hard work pays off, to never give up before a job is finished, and to always put in my best work. I learned to love doing hard things. We always worked together and I feel that this time strengthened our family bond. On top of working with my Dad and brothers, I also learned to cook and clean around the house with my Mom. I didn't always love cleaning up after my five messy brothers. But I did it and am a better person for it.

We also worked on a cattle ranch for a few years. I absolutely loved every minute of it. I dream of having a ranch/farm one day.

At the present time I have three young children, their ages are 6, 5, and 2. We live in a sub division so we don't have the opportunity of having chickens and animals to take care of, which is so good for teaching your children responsibility. I have to be creative when it comes to teaching my kids how to work hard. Sometimes I don't give them enough credit and I should make them do more than I have them do. I have just started having my 5 and 6 year olds do harder chores. Even though it is usually easier to do things myself it is so important to let the kids do them. This chart seems pretty accurate of what children can do at certain ages. My 5 and 6 year old can clean their own rooms, make their beds, put dishes away, switch laundry, help fold and put their laundry away.  I have started having all the kids wipe down the doors, walls, and base boards and they actually think its fun so that was a win win. Now I will cross my fingers that they keep thinking it's fun.




This fun chart can be found Here.

      This one can be found Here

Here are a few ideas of what you can do as a family to make chores more organized and fun. A family garden is also such a good idea and so fun to work on as a family.
We just put in a sprinkler system and sod in our back yard this weekend. It was so fun to work on as a family, Grandma and Grandpa even came over and helped. The kids had their little ways of helping. Now we can enjoy the beautiful grass and be proud that we did this work as a family.

Family work can also teach our children to love and serve one another just as Jesus Christ did. Elder Neal A. Maxwell said, "The divine attributes of love, mercy, patience, submissiveness, meekness, purity,..cannot be developed in the abstract. These require the clinical experiences...Nor can these attributes be developed in a hurry."
Family work can be those clinical experiences that we need. Family work should be consistent, it is humbling and builds true character, shaping us into who we will become.

Forgiveness

  Please watch this video  NOW. This is the most uplifting and possibly the most Christlike example I have EVER seen!


Forgiveness happens in ourselves.  No matter how bad someone hurts you, we are commanded to Forgive ALL men.

“Wherefore, I say unto you, that ye ought to forgive one another; for he that forgiveth not his brother his trespasses standeth condemned before the Lord; for there remaineth in him the greater sin."

“I, the Lord, will forgive whom I will forgive, but of you it is required to forgive all men.

“And ye ought to say in your hearts—let God judge between me and thee, and reward thee according to thy deeds.” (D&C 64:8–11.)

Even Christ himself cried out on the cross where he was being hanged and murdered innocently, “Father, forgive them; for they know not what they do.” (Luke 23:34.) 

It may take time and much effort but our goal must be to reach the point where we do not hold grudges, we love and see people as Christ sees them, and we forgive all men, no matter the offense. God will be the judge not us. 

“For if ye forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you:

“But if ye forgive not men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.” (Matt. 6:14–15.)

Traditional family

"Teach them to walk in the ways of truth." - Mosiah 4:15

In the The Family- A Proclamation to the World it states,  "THE FIRST COMMANDMENT that God gave to Adam and Eve pertained to their potential for parenthood as husband and wife. We declare that God’s commandment for His children to multiply and replenish the earth remains in force. We further declare that God has commanded that the sacred powers of procreation are to be employed only between man and woman, lawfully wedded as husband and wife."

In Genesis 1:28 God gave Adam and Eve this commandment, "be fruitful, and multiply, and replenish the earth, and subdue it"

God is a constant and unchanging God. There is a reason that man and woman genetically can have children together and cannot with the same sex.  This is God’s plan. We can never fulfill the commandment to multiply and replenish the earth if we do not follow the traditional family of a man and woman.

D&C 49:16 tells us that we are commanded to multiply and replenish the earth so ,"that the earth might answer the end of its creation."

 Successful Marriage and Families states, “The earth was designed to be a habitation for the spirit children of our Heavenly Father as they come from the pre mortal existence."

 If we refuse to have children then how are those anxious spirits waiting to get their earthly experience going to get here on earth.

The book also states that, "Modern fertility patterns reveal that men and women around the world are choosing to have much smaller families, and much more frequently choosing to have no children at all. These decisions not to "multiply and replenish the earth" have significant consequences for generations to come."

Book -  "Successful Marriages and Families: Proclamation Principles and Research Perspectives" By Alan J. Hawkins, David C. Dollahite and Thomas W. Draper.   Chap 14. 

Here is a very interesting interview on same sex attraction-  interview.

Here is the church website for same sex attraction.

The Power of Prayer in Marriage

Do you pray for your spouse? Do you pray for your relationship? Do your pray with your spouse and your family? If not NOW is the time to start. The power and strength you receive through prayer can be compared to nothing in this world.

President Thomas S. Monson shared some counsel he received on his wedding day he said, " May I offer you newlyweds a formula which will ensure that any disagreement you may have will last no longer than one day? Every night kneel by the side of your bed. One night, Brother Monson, you offer the prayer, aloud, on bended knee. The next night you, Sister Monson, offer prayer aloud, on bended knee. I can then assure you that any misunderstanding that develops during the day will vanish as you pray. You simply can't pray together and retain any but the best of feeling toward one another."

Quote taken from Chapter 19 of "Successful Marriages and Families: Proclamation Principles and Research Perspectives" By Alan J. Hawkins, David C. Dollahite and Thomas W. Draper."

Dallin H. Oaks also advised, "If you are already descending into the low state of marriage-in-name-only, please join hands, kneel together, and prayerfully plead for help and healing power of the Atonement. Your humble and united pleadings will bring you closer to the Lord and to each other and will help you in the hard climb back to marital harmony."

I have a strong testimony of prayer and have personally felt the power that comes from it. When our lives are centered on Jesus Christ and our Father in Heaven our thoughts become more divine. Our perspectives change and the little things will not matter. Let us all be humble and pray together!

Honoring Marital Vows

The Family Proclamation to the World states, We further declare that God has commanded that the sacred powers of procreation are to be employed only between man and woman, lawfully wedded as husband and wife."

 Then we are warned this, "WE WARN that individuals who violate covenants of chastity, who abuse spouse or offspring, or who fail to fulfill family responsibilities will one day stand accountable before God. Further, we warn that the disintegration of the family will bring upon individuals, communities, and nations the calamities foretold by ancient and modern prophets."

It is pretty clear cut right there. We can never say we weren't warned, and we WILL be accountable before God for our actions.

President Ezra Taft Benson said, "The plaguing sin of this generation is sexual immorality. This, the Prophet Joseph said, would be the source of more temptations, more buffetings, and more difficulties for the elders of Israel than any other."

Elder Neil A. Maxwell pointed out that, "The seventh commandment is one of the least heeded but most needed laws of God."

In  D&C verse 22 it states, " Thou shalt love thy wife with all thy heart, and shalt cleave unto her and none else. "

Pornography is such a huge problems in marriages today. Here is a quote by Dallin H. Oaks on the subject,

“Pornographic or erotic stories and pictures are worse than filthy or polluted food. The body has defenses to rid itself of unwholesome food. With a few fatal exceptions, bad food will only make you sick but do no permanent harm. In contrast, a person who feasts upon filthy stories or pornographic or erotic pictures and literature records them in this marvelous retrieval system we call a brain. The brain won’t vomit back filth. Once recorded, it will always remain subject to recall, flashing its perverted images across your mind and drawing you away from the wholesome things in life.” ¹
To read his full talk click on this link.

Benefits of Marriage

Marriage between man and women is ordained of God

There has been extensive evidence that proves married adults are healthier than non married people. "Successful Marriages and Families: Proclamation Principles and Research Perspectives" By Alan J. Hawkins, David C. Dollahite and Thomas W. Draper.   Chap 7. states,

"They have lower rates of morbidity and mortality, and their health benefits persist even when factors such as race, income, and health status prior to marriage are taken into account. ."

"In contrast, divorced men experience health risks akin to smoking a pack of cigarettes a day, while a woman's risk of dying prematurely decreases with the duration of her marriage. At older ages, married people are significantly healthier and experience fewer physical limitations in daily activities than their non married counterparts, Married people also recover better from illness and surgery."   

Married people are also proven to be happier. Studies have found that "greater life satisfaction, lower risk of depression, and and greater economic stability, all contributing to better mental health."

The National Healthy Marriage Resource Center stated, "a good enough, or healthy marriage-one that is low in negativity-will provide cumulative, lifelong protection against chronic illness and premature death for both men and women, as well as greatly increasing their chances that their children will grow up healthy. These benefits seem only to increase as couples grow old together."

This is sound evidence of a happy marriage. What a great blessing marriage can be to our lives.

Here is a slideshow on some more health benefits you may not know you can get through a happy marriage. Surprising health benefits of Marriage Slideshow

   

Parenting

I strongly encourage everyone to watch this short video by Robert D. Hales about parenting and apply it to ourselves and our lives with our children. Are we fully there for them?

People have different opinions and views on parenting styles. This is a subject I love to study and talk about. I have three children, and they are all different! One parenting style does not fit all. Some days I feel like a detective trying to figure out the most effective strategy to teach a certain child something they are struggling with. I try to be VERY NON judgmental when it comes to parenting. We are all different, have different kids, different personalities, struggles, strengths. We react and address situations differently. It is up to the mother and father to know the most effective parenting strategies for each individual child. President James E. Faust said, "Child rearing is so individualistic. Every child is different and unique. What works with one may not work with another." I think it is so important to remember this.

Here are some great parenting tips and Quotes I came across in "Successful Marriages and Families: Proclamation Principles and Research Perspectives" By Alan J. Hawkins, David C. Dollahite and Thomas W. Draper.   Chapter 10.

Rearing children in LOVE and righteousness.

Brigham Young said, "Parents should never drive their children, but lead them along, giving them knowledge as their minds are prepared to receive it. Chastening may be necessary betimes, but parents should govern their children by faith rather than by the rod, leading them kindly by good example into all truth and holiness."

I think this really takes humility for a parent to stay in control of themselves. When we are angry it is because of our pride. We need to BEWARE of PRIDE. If we feel ourselves becoming angry and out of control. We need to step back and cool off before we do something we will regret. When we make mistakes, we are all human so we will make mistakes, we need to apologize to our children and show them love and support.  

President Hinkley said, " I have never accepted the principle of 'spare the rod and spoil the child'...Children don't need beating. They need love and encouragement."

The book does state that studies have shown that light spanking may be a last resort option for children ages 2 to 6 years old.

President Hinkley also said, "Every child is entitled to grow up in a home where there is warm and secure companionship, where there is love in the family relationship, where appreciation one for another is taught and exemplified, and where God is acknowledged and His peace and blessings invoked before the family alter."

SPOILING OUR CHILDREN

Now I want to speak on the topic of SPOILING  our children. I think many people have a misconception of buying their children's love. They think their kids need THINGS to show them we love them. Well this is not true. They need our TIME, LOVE and ATTENTION, not things.

Elder Joe J. Christensen said this very profound statement, "We should avoid spoiling children by giving them too much. In our day, many children grow up with distorted values because we as parents overindulge them... One of the most important things we can teach our children is to deny themselves. Instant gratification generally makes for WEAK people. "

I will do everything in my power to make sure my children are not WEAK people. I was not raised spoiled and I am so beyond grateful. I was taught how to appreciate the simple eternal things in life. Not things that "moths ruin and thieves can steal." as taught by Christ in the Book of Mormon.

Here is another quote on this subject by Neal A. Maxwell, "A few of our wonderful youth and young adults in the Church are unstretched-they have almost a free pass. Perks are provided, including cars complete with fuel and insurance- all paid for by parents who sometimes listen in vain for a few courteous and appreciative words. What is thus taken for granted..tends to underwrite selfishness and sense of entitlement."

May we all think about our children's futures and the lessons we are teaching them. Are we doing them a disservice by catering to their every want and desire? Who and what do we want them to become? I surely hope not WEAK.

Be the person we want them to become.
David O. Mckay said, "Children are more influenced by sermons you act than by the sermons you preach."
Be good always. Do good works. Strive to be like Christ in all our doings. Serve others. Be a good Christlike person and example for our children.

We should also teach our children WHY we do things. Teach them the doctrine and correct principles behind our rules and actions.
Boyd K. Packer said, "True doctrine understood, changes attitudes and behavior. The study of the doctrines of the gospel will improve behavior quicker than the study of behavior will improve behavior"

 Now I  want to talk about being a friend to your child. A TRUE and real friend. President Ezra Taft Benson counseled parents to, "Take time to be a real friend to your children. Listen to your children, really listen. Talk to them, laugh and joke with them, sing with them, play with them, cry with them, hug them, honestly praise them. Yes regularly spend unrushed one on one time with each child. Be a REAL FRIEND to your child."

Last I will post a quote from M. Russell Ballard about mothers and quality time, 
"Mothers must not fall into the trap of believing that "quality"time can replace, "quantity time. Quality is a direct function of quantity- and mothers, to nurture their children properly, must provide both. To do so requires constant vigilance and constant juggling of competing demands. It is hard work, no doubt about it."

     
You can read or listen to  this talk Here

Parenting advise from church leaders.

Equal partnership in marriage

HUSBAND AND WIFE have a solemn responsibility to love and care for each other and for their children. “Children are an heritage of the Lord” (Psalm 127:3).
Parents have a sacred duty to rear their children in love and righteousness, to provide for their physical and spiritual needs, and to teach them to love and serve one another, observe the commandments of God, and be law-abiding citizens wherever they live. Husbands and wives—mothers and fathers—will be held accountable before God for the discharge of these obligations.

THE FAMILY is ordained of God. Marriage between man and woman is essential to His eternal plan. Children are entitled to birth within the bonds of matrimony, and to be reared by a father and a mother who honor marital vows with complete fidelity. Happiness in family life is most likely to be achieved when founded upon the teachings of the Lord Jesus Christ. Successful marriages and families are established and maintained on principles of faith, prayer, repentance, forgiveness, respect, love, compassion, work, and wholesome recreational activities. By divine design, fathers are to preside over their families in love and righteousness and are responsible to provide the necessities of life and protection for their families. Mothers are primarily responsible for the nurture of their children. In these sacred responsibilities, fathers and mothers are obligated to help one another as equal partners. Disability, death, or other circumstances may necessitate individual adaptation. Extended families should lend support when needed.

WE WARN that individuals who violate covenants of chastity, who abuse spouse or offspring, or who fail to fulfill family responsibilities will one day stand accountable before God. Further, we warn that the disintegration of the family will bring upon individuals, communities, and nations the calamities foretold by ancient and modern prophets.

WE CALL UPON responsible citizens and officers of government everywhere to promote those measures designed to maintain and strengthen the family as the fundamental unit of society."

Here is The Family-  A Proclamation to the World put out by the First Presidency and council of the twelve apostles of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. What a powerful inspired document. These are men of God. Called upon  by the Lord himself to lead and guide us in these Latter days. These words provide us with the optimal way a family should operate in order to achieve the most happiness in this life and the next.

I know as men and women we have divine roles, just as it states in the Proclamation. Women by nature are nurturers, more so than men. Men by nature want to provide and protect. These are clearly our divine roles instilled in our spirit. We came from heaven this way.  Some may argue that something about this is not fair. I beg to differ.

Chapter 3 of Successful marriages and Families  states, "Equality is all too often used to mean "identity"; this is, that two equal things must be identical to each other. Such usage represents a fallen and harmful understanding of equality that is espoused by Lucifer, who passionately wants all to be "like...himself" (2 Nephi 2:27).

 Elder Earl C. Tingey, formerly of the Presidency of the Seventy, has said: “You must not misunderstand what the Lord meant when Adam was told he was to have a helpmeet. A helpmeet is a companion suited to or equal to [the other]. [They] walk side by side … not one before or behind the other. A helpmeet results in an absolute equal partnership between a husband and a wife. Eve was to be equal to Adam as a husband and wife are to be equal to each other.”

I personally have three young children, last year my husband had health issues that caused me to have to go back to work and he cared for the children at home. This for me was an extremely hard year. My testimony of our divine roles has grown much stronger from this experience. While my husband did a good job at home. There was still a difference having me out of the home, I could also see a difference in the behavior of the children. I will be eternally grateful that I am back at home full time again and I get to be the one to raise my children full time, not miss any milestones, help them with homework, and get healthy homemade meals in their tummy's.  

I know some people have no choice and the Mother has to work out of the home. There is a statement for this situation in the Proclamation. They must accommodate for the best of the family and prayerfully decide what is right for them.

Enduring, Healthy Marriage

This post is going to be focused on how to endure and have a healthy, happy marriage.

 In a BYU devotional in September 1976 President Kimball stated,

"While marriage is difficult, and discordant and frustrated marriages are common, yet real, lasting happiness is possible, and marriage can be more an exultant ecstasy than the human mind can conceive. This is within the reach of every couple, every person."

Here are four key factors in achieving a happy eternal marriage.
 Oneness in Marriage

BY PRESIDENT SPENCER W. KIMBALL (1895–1985) Oneness in Marriage

"Successful covenant marriages are founded on the teachings of the Lord Jesus Christ and tied to our discipleship." (Successful marriages and families.) 

"First, there must be the proper approach toward marriage, which contemplates the selection of a spouse who reaches as nearly as possible the pinnacle of perfection in all the matters which are of importance to the individuals. And then those two parties must come to the altar in the temple realizing that they must work hard toward this successful joint living.

Second, there must be a great unselfishness, forgetting self and directing all of the family life and all pertaining thereunto to the good of the family, subjugating self.

Third, there must be continued courting and expressions of affection, kindness, and consideration to keep love alive and growing.

Fourth, there must be a complete living of the commandments of the Lord as defined in the gospel of Jesus Christ.

With these ingredients properly mixed and continually kept functioning, it is quite impossible for unhappiness to come, misunderstandings to continue, or breaks to occur. Divorce attorneys would need to transfer to other fields and divorce courts would be padlocked."

In this same talk President Kimball says,

"If two people love the Lord more than their own lives and then love each other more than their own lives, working together in total harmony with the gospel program as their basic structure, they are sure to have this great happiness. When a husband and wife go together frequently to the holy temple, kneel in prayer together in their home with their family, go hand in hand to their religious meetings, keep their lives wholly chaste—mentally and physically—so that their whole thoughts and desires and loves are all centered in the one being, their companion, and both work together for the upbuilding of the kingdom of God, then happiness is at its pinnacle." 

These qualities do not come over night. We may have to go through hard trials and experiences before we reach an understanding of the truthfulness of President Kimball's words. 

If we focus on our main goal of eternal life and exaltation with our spouse we will not let the little things bother us. We will be less selfish and we will be more thoughtful of our spouse. We need to be praying with our spouse, studying the scriptures with them together and individually. We also need to apply the scriptures to our day and our own lives! They were written for us now. As we do this our thoughts will become more divine and Christlike and our relationships and marriage will improve dramatically. 

Elder Bednar explains how the marriage should work in his talk titled, Marriage is Essential to His Eternal Plan

 

"The Lord Jesus Christ is the focal point in a covenant marriage relationship. Please notice how the Savior is positioned at the apex of this triangle, with a woman at the base of one corner and a man at the base of the other corner. Now consider what happens in the relationship between the man and the woman as they individually and steadily “come unto Christ” and strive to be “perfected in Him” (Moro. 10:32). Because of and through the Redeemer, the man and the woman come closer together."

"As a husband and wife are each drawn to the Lord (see 3 Ne. 27:14), as they learn to serve and cherish one another, as they share life experiences and grow together and become one, and as they are blessed through the uniting of their distinctive natures, they begin to realize the fulfillment that our Heavenly Father desires for His children. Ultimate happiness, which is the very object of the Father’s plan, is received through the making and honoring of eternal marriage covenants."

The book Successful Marriages and Families chapter 3 lists some great advice on keeping your marriage great.

I love this quote by Gordon B. Hinckly he says,

"I have witnessed much of the best and much of the worst in marriage...Faultfinding replaces praise. When we look for the worst in anyone, we will find it. But if we will concentrate on the best, that element will grow until it sparkles."  

This is one of my all time favorite quotes ever. NO ONE is perfect. We all have our faults and weaknesses. But we all have our strengths too and they are all different from each other.  If we focus on recognizing the strengths in our spouse and the positive qualities in them, our love and appreciation will grow for them. They will feel more confident and in return will try harder to be better and both people in the relationship will be much happier. If we are constantly nagging on one another and bringing each other down, then our marriage will surely go down with it and misery will surely happen.  I like to treat others how I would like to be treated. 

We also need to talk to our spouses and listen to them. Elder Russell M. Nelson said, "Husbands and wives, learn to listen and listen to learn from one another."   Each person should truly support each other and want to know about each other.

If a couple has a disagreement or issue with one another. The issue should be taken care of in private. Not in front of other people. 

Here is a cute article of what a husband really wants from his wife. 

what-your-husband-really-wants    

Soul mate vs eternal companion

I want to start this blog by speaking about dating and courtship. What should we be looking for in a mate?

How do we become the right person for marriage? 

I am sure we have all had lists of things we wanted or want in a future spouse. We made lists of qualities, characteristics, and traits that we longed for and hoped for in our future mate. Perhaps we have dreamed of our "Perfect match." We surely have seen it happen in the movies and in the perfect romance novels. 

Elder David A. Bednar warns youth to practice a different approach to dating, He says,

As we visit with young adults all over the Church, often they will ask, "Well, what are the characteristics I should look for in a future spouse?" As though they have some checklist of, "I need to find someone who has these three or four, or five things." And I rather forcefully say to them, "You are so arrogant to think that you are some catch and that you want someone else who has these five things for you! If you found somebody who had these three or four or five characteristics that you are looking for, what makes you think they would want to marry you? The "list" is not for evaluating someone else-the list is for you and what you need to become. And so if there are three primary characteristics that [you] hope to find in an eternal companion, then those are the three things [you] ought to be working to become. Then [you] will be attractive to someone who has those things. ..................You are not on a shopping spree looking for the greatest value with a series of characteristics. You become what you hope your spouse will be and you'll have a greater likelihood of finding that person."

What powerful and inspiring words. Growing up we were always asked in church activities to make a list of characteristics we want in our future spouse. I still have my lists. What a difference it would make if we were asked what characteristics we want to be for our spouse.  I think many youth today are so focused on what they want, many are not extremely considerate of others, or very concerned of what kind of person they are becoming- for the most part. I see now why this approach is not right. 

 Our main focus should NOT be finding Mr or Mrs. right. Although we want to find a good person. Our primary approach needs to be us BECOMING Mr. or Ms. right ourselves!

This brings me to the topic of SOUL MATE. In a recent national survey of single young adults, 94% agreed with the statement 'When you marry you want your spouse to be your soul mate, first and foremost.'

In the Book titled, Successful Marriages and families. on page 11 it states, "While "soul mate love" may work for scripted Hollywood films or romance novels, most couples making marriage work in the real world will tell you that maintaining their relationship requires work, patience, personal growth, compromise, commitment, and sacrifice. They will tell you that marriage is definitely worth it , but that what they experience in marriage is not the type of relationship portrayed in popular culture."

President Spencer W. Kimball warned Latter Day Saints to not be led astray by the soul mate culture, he said, 

"Soul mates are fiction and illusion; and while every young man and young women will seek with all diligence and prayer-fullness to find a mate with whom life can be most compatible and beautiful, yet it is certain that almost any good man and any good woman can have happiness and a successful marriage if both are willing to pay the price."

The book Successful Marriages and Families also states, "while soul mates are found, eternal companions are chosen and made." 

We have to learn from experiences together how to adapt and become a better fit for our eternal companion.. It takes work. Nothing in life comes free. To me the eternal companion concept seems better than a "soul mate" term. We learn and grow so much through this selfless experience and we are made more humble and Christlike as we struggle and grow though the ups and downs of life together. 

I also think romance novels and movies have given many false impressions and hopes of unrealistic expectations.  Life is just not a novel, it isn't. Life is not problem or trouble free. There will be things about your mate that get on your nerves or situations while dating that aren't exactly novel worthy.   

The problems with unrealistic expectation in a marriage is that some people will begin to think they married the wrong person or their soul mate is just not the person they married and want to get out of the relationship instead of working on making their marriage better. 

In his talk titled, The Right Person- President Gordon B. Hinckley  talks about a good marriage he says, “A good marriage requires time. It requires effort. You have to work at it. You have to cultivate it. You have to forgive and forget. You have to be absolutely loyal one to another. Most of you will marry and have children. They will become the source of your greatest pride and happiness. …"

“All of this can come to pass if you make this most important decision, one guided by prayer as well as instinct, of choosing a dear companion who will be yours through thick and thin forever, throughout all eternity” (“Life’s Obligations,” Ensign, Feb. 1999, 2, 4).

Quotes by prophets on choosing the right companion. 

“In a dating and courtship relationship, I would not have you spend five minutes with someone who belittles you, who is constantly critical of you, who is cruel at your expense and may even call it humor.”

“You young people … have an important responsibility in choosing not only whom you will date but also whom you will marry. President Gordon B. Hinckley admonished: ‘Your chances for a happy and lasting marriage will be far greater if you will date those who are active and faithful in the Church.’” (“Four B’s for Boys,” Ensign, Nov. 1981, 41.)

To the youth 

“Kissing has … degenerated to develop and express lust instead of affection, honor, and admiration. To kiss in casual dating is asking for trouble. What do kisses mean when given out like pretzels and robbed of sacredness?”

President Spencer W. Kimball (1895–1985), The Teachings of Spencer W. Kimball, ed. Edward L. Kimball (1982), 281.

“In dating relationships with the opposite sex, making a wrong choice early may limit making the right choice later.”

President Thomas S. Monson, “Whom Shall I Marry?” New Era, Oct 2004, 4–6.

Here is a cute story told by President Thomas S. Monson. 

A Kiss before the First Date?
The first day I saw Frances, I knew I’d found the right one. The Lord brought us together later, and I asked her to go out with me. I went to her home to call on her. She introduced me, and her father said, “‘Monson’—that’s a Swedish name, isn’t it?”
I said, “Yes.”
He said, “Good.”
Then he went into another room and brought out a picture of two missionaries with their top hats and their copies of the Book of Mormon.
“Are you related to this Monson,” he said, “Elias Monson?”
I said, “Yes, he’s my grandfather’s brother. He too was a missionary in Sweden.”
Her father wept. He wept easily. He said, “He and his companion were the missionaries who taught the gospel to my mother and my father and all of my brothers and sisters and to me.” He kissed me on the cheek. And then her mother cried, and she kissed me on the other cheek. And then I looked around for Frances. She said, “I’ll go get my coat.”
President Thomas S. Monson, “Abundantly Blessed,” Ensign, May 2008, 111.

Excellent talks about preparing for marriage.

BY ELDER MARVIN J. ASHTON (1915–94)
Become a Quality Person Now

BY ELDER DALLIN H. OAKS
Dating vs Hanging Out

From a Brigham Young University–Idaho devotional given on September 25, 2007.
Confidence Tests 

Dating Advise from Prophets