Parenting

I strongly encourage everyone to watch this short video by Robert D. Hales about parenting and apply it to ourselves and our lives with our children. Are we fully there for them?

People have different opinions and views on parenting styles. This is a subject I love to study and talk about. I have three children, and they are all different! One parenting style does not fit all. Some days I feel like a detective trying to figure out the most effective strategy to teach a certain child something they are struggling with. I try to be VERY NON judgmental when it comes to parenting. We are all different, have different kids, different personalities, struggles, strengths. We react and address situations differently. It is up to the mother and father to know the most effective parenting strategies for each individual child. President James E. Faust said, "Child rearing is so individualistic. Every child is different and unique. What works with one may not work with another." I think it is so important to remember this.

Here are some great parenting tips and Quotes I came across in "Successful Marriages and Families: Proclamation Principles and Research Perspectives" By Alan J. Hawkins, David C. Dollahite and Thomas W. Draper.   Chapter 10.

Rearing children in LOVE and righteousness.

Brigham Young said, "Parents should never drive their children, but lead them along, giving them knowledge as their minds are prepared to receive it. Chastening may be necessary betimes, but parents should govern their children by faith rather than by the rod, leading them kindly by good example into all truth and holiness."

I think this really takes humility for a parent to stay in control of themselves. When we are angry it is because of our pride. We need to BEWARE of PRIDE. If we feel ourselves becoming angry and out of control. We need to step back and cool off before we do something we will regret. When we make mistakes, we are all human so we will make mistakes, we need to apologize to our children and show them love and support.  

President Hinkley said, " I have never accepted the principle of 'spare the rod and spoil the child'...Children don't need beating. They need love and encouragement."

The book does state that studies have shown that light spanking may be a last resort option for children ages 2 to 6 years old.

President Hinkley also said, "Every child is entitled to grow up in a home where there is warm and secure companionship, where there is love in the family relationship, where appreciation one for another is taught and exemplified, and where God is acknowledged and His peace and blessings invoked before the family alter."

SPOILING OUR CHILDREN

Now I want to speak on the topic of SPOILING  our children. I think many people have a misconception of buying their children's love. They think their kids need THINGS to show them we love them. Well this is not true. They need our TIME, LOVE and ATTENTION, not things.

Elder Joe J. Christensen said this very profound statement, "We should avoid spoiling children by giving them too much. In our day, many children grow up with distorted values because we as parents overindulge them... One of the most important things we can teach our children is to deny themselves. Instant gratification generally makes for WEAK people. "

I will do everything in my power to make sure my children are not WEAK people. I was not raised spoiled and I am so beyond grateful. I was taught how to appreciate the simple eternal things in life. Not things that "moths ruin and thieves can steal." as taught by Christ in the Book of Mormon.

Here is another quote on this subject by Neal A. Maxwell, "A few of our wonderful youth and young adults in the Church are unstretched-they have almost a free pass. Perks are provided, including cars complete with fuel and insurance- all paid for by parents who sometimes listen in vain for a few courteous and appreciative words. What is thus taken for granted..tends to underwrite selfishness and sense of entitlement."

May we all think about our children's futures and the lessons we are teaching them. Are we doing them a disservice by catering to their every want and desire? Who and what do we want them to become? I surely hope not WEAK.

Be the person we want them to become.
David O. Mckay said, "Children are more influenced by sermons you act than by the sermons you preach."
Be good always. Do good works. Strive to be like Christ in all our doings. Serve others. Be a good Christlike person and example for our children.

We should also teach our children WHY we do things. Teach them the doctrine and correct principles behind our rules and actions.
Boyd K. Packer said, "True doctrine understood, changes attitudes and behavior. The study of the doctrines of the gospel will improve behavior quicker than the study of behavior will improve behavior"

 Now I  want to talk about being a friend to your child. A TRUE and real friend. President Ezra Taft Benson counseled parents to, "Take time to be a real friend to your children. Listen to your children, really listen. Talk to them, laugh and joke with them, sing with them, play with them, cry with them, hug them, honestly praise them. Yes regularly spend unrushed one on one time with each child. Be a REAL FRIEND to your child."

Last I will post a quote from M. Russell Ballard about mothers and quality time, 
"Mothers must not fall into the trap of believing that "quality"time can replace, "quantity time. Quality is a direct function of quantity- and mothers, to nurture their children properly, must provide both. To do so requires constant vigilance and constant juggling of competing demands. It is hard work, no doubt about it."

     
You can read or listen to  this talk Here

Parenting advise from church leaders.