Enduring, Healthy Marriage

This post is going to be focused on how to endure and have a healthy, happy marriage.

 In a BYU devotional in September 1976 President Kimball stated,

"While marriage is difficult, and discordant and frustrated marriages are common, yet real, lasting happiness is possible, and marriage can be more an exultant ecstasy than the human mind can conceive. This is within the reach of every couple, every person."

Here are four key factors in achieving a happy eternal marriage.
 Oneness in Marriage

BY PRESIDENT SPENCER W. KIMBALL (1895–1985) Oneness in Marriage

"Successful covenant marriages are founded on the teachings of the Lord Jesus Christ and tied to our discipleship." (Successful marriages and families.) 

"First, there must be the proper approach toward marriage, which contemplates the selection of a spouse who reaches as nearly as possible the pinnacle of perfection in all the matters which are of importance to the individuals. And then those two parties must come to the altar in the temple realizing that they must work hard toward this successful joint living.

Second, there must be a great unselfishness, forgetting self and directing all of the family life and all pertaining thereunto to the good of the family, subjugating self.

Third, there must be continued courting and expressions of affection, kindness, and consideration to keep love alive and growing.

Fourth, there must be a complete living of the commandments of the Lord as defined in the gospel of Jesus Christ.

With these ingredients properly mixed and continually kept functioning, it is quite impossible for unhappiness to come, misunderstandings to continue, or breaks to occur. Divorce attorneys would need to transfer to other fields and divorce courts would be padlocked."

In this same talk President Kimball says,

"If two people love the Lord more than their own lives and then love each other more than their own lives, working together in total harmony with the gospel program as their basic structure, they are sure to have this great happiness. When a husband and wife go together frequently to the holy temple, kneel in prayer together in their home with their family, go hand in hand to their religious meetings, keep their lives wholly chaste—mentally and physically—so that their whole thoughts and desires and loves are all centered in the one being, their companion, and both work together for the upbuilding of the kingdom of God, then happiness is at its pinnacle." 

These qualities do not come over night. We may have to go through hard trials and experiences before we reach an understanding of the truthfulness of President Kimball's words. 

If we focus on our main goal of eternal life and exaltation with our spouse we will not let the little things bother us. We will be less selfish and we will be more thoughtful of our spouse. We need to be praying with our spouse, studying the scriptures with them together and individually. We also need to apply the scriptures to our day and our own lives! They were written for us now. As we do this our thoughts will become more divine and Christlike and our relationships and marriage will improve dramatically. 

Elder Bednar explains how the marriage should work in his talk titled, Marriage is Essential to His Eternal Plan

 

"The Lord Jesus Christ is the focal point in a covenant marriage relationship. Please notice how the Savior is positioned at the apex of this triangle, with a woman at the base of one corner and a man at the base of the other corner. Now consider what happens in the relationship between the man and the woman as they individually and steadily “come unto Christ” and strive to be “perfected in Him” (Moro. 10:32). Because of and through the Redeemer, the man and the woman come closer together."

"As a husband and wife are each drawn to the Lord (see 3 Ne. 27:14), as they learn to serve and cherish one another, as they share life experiences and grow together and become one, and as they are blessed through the uniting of their distinctive natures, they begin to realize the fulfillment that our Heavenly Father desires for His children. Ultimate happiness, which is the very object of the Father’s plan, is received through the making and honoring of eternal marriage covenants."

The book Successful Marriages and Families chapter 3 lists some great advice on keeping your marriage great.

I love this quote by Gordon B. Hinckly he says,

"I have witnessed much of the best and much of the worst in marriage...Faultfinding replaces praise. When we look for the worst in anyone, we will find it. But if we will concentrate on the best, that element will grow until it sparkles."  

This is one of my all time favorite quotes ever. NO ONE is perfect. We all have our faults and weaknesses. But we all have our strengths too and they are all different from each other.  If we focus on recognizing the strengths in our spouse and the positive qualities in them, our love and appreciation will grow for them. They will feel more confident and in return will try harder to be better and both people in the relationship will be much happier. If we are constantly nagging on one another and bringing each other down, then our marriage will surely go down with it and misery will surely happen.  I like to treat others how I would like to be treated. 

We also need to talk to our spouses and listen to them. Elder Russell M. Nelson said, "Husbands and wives, learn to listen and listen to learn from one another."   Each person should truly support each other and want to know about each other.

If a couple has a disagreement or issue with one another. The issue should be taken care of in private. Not in front of other people. 

Here is a cute article of what a husband really wants from his wife. 

what-your-husband-really-wants